For Parents: The Importance of Cross-Race Friendships
Written by: Karen Rodriguez, Founder and CEO of Code in Color & Marketing Director at The Utah Black Chamber in Partnership with Girl & Her Backpack
In 2014, social psychologist Elizabeth Page-Gould and her team randomly assigned White and Latino college students to get acquainted with a student of either the same race or a different race (but always of the same gender). The pairs built their friendship over three getting-to-know-you sessions, which included tasks like revealing personal information and playing a round of Jenga. Researchers recorded their stress-levels by measuring levels of the hormone cortisol in their saliva both before and after interactions.
Researchers found that participants who were afraid of being rejected (because of their race) were initially more stressed when interacting with their new cross-racial acquaintance. However, after each meeting, their levels of stress dropped to levels similar to those who had not felt anxious. Similarly, participants who were initially prejudiced towards their partner’s race, were initially stressed when interacting with their new cross-group mate. Over time, their stress levels also dropped to those of unprejudiced people.
In the weeks after making a friend of a different race, participants initiated more interactions with people of other races than did participants who did not make a new cross-group acquaintance.
Why should we care about cross-race friendships?
Cross-race friendships have benefits for both adults and children:
Research among adults has found that having more cross-race friends promotes positive racial attitudes (Plummer, Allison, Stone & Powell, 2016)
Frequent cross-race interactions amongst adults lowers feelings of discomfort when in interactions with people of a different race (Shelton, Douglas, Garcia, Yip, & Tral, 2014)
Children who have more cross-race friend groups have more positive racial attitudes, feeling more positively towards black people (Roberts, Williams, & Gelman, 2017)
Cross-race friendships can protect adolescents from the negative effects of school-based discrimination, from feelings of loneliness, depressive symptoms and [lack of] school belonging (Benner, & Wang, 2016)
Children who have cross-race friendships have lower levels of prejudice (Aboud et al., 2003)
When cross-race friendships are more prevalent, the negative impacts of discrimination lessen—children become less lonely and depressed, allowing them to focus on their friendships and education.
How do we promote positive racial attitudes in children and adolescents?
Now that we know the importance of cross-race friendships, we need to recognize that these friendships are still exceedingly rare. So, how do we encourage these important relationships amongst our children?
Parents: Lead by example—diversify your network and world view
Teach by doing. In an effort to be more understanding of the world around you, you can begin transforming your network, seeking out more diverse friends. Start by attending new social events, joining a professional network such as a work association or state chamber, or volunteering at a diversity focused organization like Equality Utah or Living Color Utah.
Join a local organization. Teaching your child about a topic like race can be intimidating. There are so many local organizations starting discussions to help guide parents through constructive discussions of race with their children. Alyssha Dairsow, Executive Director, at CurlyMe! Believes in “...guiding by the way of allowing families a safe space to engage.” CurlyMe! organizes events with experts in race and diversity to help parents navigate building cross-race friendships amongst themselves and their children. Dairsow shares, “Our hope is always to serve as a resource to families. When they come to us, they trust we will reference credible resources for them to continue to aid in the upbringing of their children.”
Four ways to connect your teen with those outside of their regular network
The best way to foster cross-race friendships is to find in-school and after school organizations that have high multiracial engagement. We know that establishing relationships with people from other backgrounds shortens the divide and the need to see folks as “other”. So, encourage your teens to be involved in multicultural activities.
Girl & Her Backpack hosts free monthly hikes in Utah for girls ages 12-17 years old. The Girl & Her Backpack team reaches out to diverse groups across Utah to create a more inclusive, belonging experience amongst our community. During their hikes, girls participate in a number of activities that encourages them to branch out and make a new friend.
Curly Me! Hosts quarterly events in Salt Lake County and surrounding areas tailored to Black girls of all socioeconomic statuses—all races are encouraged to attend. Previous events include: Change the World with Her, High Tea with a Twist, and the Back to School Fashion Show.
Organizations such as Girls Who Code, Future in Design, OutdoorAfro, and the Utah Black Chamber routinely host events for girls (and all teens) to experience life outside of their current network while also learning a new skill and being mentored.
While in school, girls (and all teens) can join multicultural groups, their student body government, and school BIPOC clubs, such as Latinos in Action, to continue to increase their cross-race friendships and understanding of POC issues.
How to foster a welcoming dialogue about diversity and inclusion at home
Last but not least, teach your family about the current racial divide in the country through literature, film, and TV. Issues like race, though often politicized, don’t need to be. We can all come to the table with a kind and open mind, ready to have a dialogue about diversity and inclusion and how to make our communities more equal. One of the best ways to do that is by simply watching new movies or reading books that approach the subject matter in an easily digestible way. Shows like Blackish, Gentefied, Mixedish, Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Sister Sister, and others all approach issues of race in their own unique way. They succeed in tackling the black experience in a comical and approachable manner that also offers you insight into racial history and the BIPOC experience.
Similarly, books such as “The Colors of Us”, “Helping Teens Stop Violence, Build Community, and Stand for Justice”, “The Skin I’m in: A First Look at Racism”, and “Who We Are! All About Being the Same and Being Different” can have a positive impact in teens' lives and invite them to deepen their understanding of the world around them.
Closing Thoughts
The more you interact with people who don’t experience the world through your personal lense, the more empathic and welcoming you and your family will be. When we see people of different backgrounds as friends, the more our attitudes towards social change and equality shift to be positive, and that will greatly contribute to the social change we want to see in our communities.